Cell: Master of Insanity
by Madam Captain
Summary: Chapter 12: The story finally comes to a close. Can Gohan manage to outwit the mighty Cell? What will happen in the battle of Kibito vs The Plastic Bag? What incredibly stupid thing will Piccolo accuse someone of doing this time?
1. Vegeta is the Prince, once more!

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ characters. They are all Akira Toriyama's work; I know this because I spoke to him on MSN. He wanted to cyber. It was scary.  
  
----------Cell: Master of Insanity----------  
  
Deep, deep in the bowels of Hell. The villains of the past were up to all sorts of evil schemes, they knew that one day they would escape. And when they did, oh god were they going to mess up the physical world.  
  
"Oh Zarbon!" Jeice called out to the green alien. "Your cookies are ready!"

"Oh joy!" Zarbon skipped over to the volcano. "I hope you enjoy them all."  
  
"....No"  
  
"Oh come on Cell, you know you enjoy the cookies!"  
  
"Don't make me go into GT form and absorb you!" The android snapped back. "One of these days I'll get my revenge on Gohan, just you wait!"  
  
"How? You haven't increased in power since you got here 6 years ago." Jeice pointed out.  
  
Cell crossed his arms. "I'm just waiting for that Zenkai to kick in."  
  
"Uh..." Jeice began "You don't get a Zenkai if you die."  
  
"What!? Seriously?" Cell looked up "Hmm. I see you're knowledgeable. _LET ME ABSORB YOU_!!"  
  
Jeice coiled in terror as a massive tail burst out of Cell's back and went straight for the alien with a bizarre Australian accent, to prove this. Jeice screamed out "Crickey!""HAHAHA!" Cell laughed. "I absorbed you; now I'm the strongest form of Cell! No more message topics about if I can beat Dabura!""You just absorbed a rock" Zarbon pointed out.  
  
Frieza decided to join in the conversation. "Why Cell! I always knew you _rocked_! GET IT... GET IT!?!?!"  
  
"Oh Frieza!" Zarbon laughed his laugh. "You should make a movie!"  
  
"No!" Jeice slapped his hand over Zarbon's mouth. "Never encourage him!"  
  
"Maybe I will Zarbon... Maybe I will" Frieza stroked his chin.  
  
----  
  
Vegeta decided to have a change of pace when it came to training today, and went into the gravity chamber. He knew the only way he could beat Kakarot was to train for 7 years straight, then he'd become to prince of all Saiyans once again!  
  
"Take this Kakarot!" He punched into the air. "Oh Kakarot! You were smart to dodge that punch. FINAL FLASH!"  
  
The gravity machine exploded as Vegeta took to the sky. "No Vegeta, you've gone to far this time! Don't blow up the Earth, you'll hurt my best friend, Krillin!"

Trunks and Bulma ran outside to see what the problem was. At this point Vegeta was screaming obscenities and trying to perform the Kaioken and Kamehameha. "Why isn't it working? Oh, I know. BURNING ATTACK!! Take _that_ Mecha-Frieza!"  
  
"What's with Dad?" Trunks asked his mother.  
  
"Who are you?" Bulma looked down at the child oddly.  
  
"I'm Trunks. Your son"  
  
"Noooo" Bulma crossed her arms. "I wouldn't have a kid this annoying!"  
  
Trunks ran off crying as Vegeta slammed himself into the ground headfirst. "Clever move Frieza! But I fused with Nail, so I'm stronger than you! _NO! DON'T TRANSFORM_!"  
  
----  
  
Cell paced around Hell, trying to think of a way out. He already tried sending mass hordes of Ninja Viking Elves to find an exit, but Brolly crushed them. He liked crushing things. He also liked Goku, crushing Goku. Being able to crush Goku, that is.  
  
"I'll get out of this place!" The android told himself. "I know it!"  
  
Cell's concentration was ruined by a massive siren going off and Jeice flying over head.  
  
"What's going on?" Frieza looked around. "Time for an orgy? _FINALLY_!"  
  
"I have no idea" King Cold swirled his wineglass.  
  
"Brolly has escaped!" Jeice called out. "Run, run! Or you'll be well done!"  
  
"KAKAROTTO!!" Brolly burst out of a massive rock. He only had one thing on his mind. Crushing Goku. "KAKAROTTO!!"  
  
"No, I am Raditz, Kakarot's brother." The Saiyan spoke out to the beast.  
  
"KAKAROTTO!!"  
  
"My word he's mad!" Lord Slug pointed out before running.  
  
"KAKAROTTO!!"  
  
"I am Turles, though I certainly look like him..." The Saiyan took a few moments to contemplate this. "Oh crumbs."  
  
"BROLLY CRUSH TINY MAN!" The Super Saiyan picked Turles up and used him to smack Frieza over the head. Cell decided it was best to just avoid this, though he could kill Brolly in an instant, it was more fun having him crush everyone. After a tiny bit of walking around, in which Cell saw a couple of birds and a cowboy. The android came across a massive door of some sort.  
  
"What is this?" Cell questioned the door, although that was a silly thing to do, as doors are inable to talk and all that.  
  
"That?" King Cold explained, swirling his wineglass. "That leads to a Plot Device that can take any soul back to Earth."  
  
"And why haven't I heard of it... wait, scratch that. Why hasn't anyone _used_ it?" Cell asked.  
  
"Because the door knob is cold" King Cold cried to himself. Soon he was going to lock himself in the shower, listen to Linkin Park and write poetry. Cell decided that his brain was worth saving and entered the door. Ending up at King Yemma's desk.

----

Gohan and Goten were busy sparring up in the mountains; the second spawn of Goku had already managed to go Super Saiyan. Not that he knew what that was, after many sleepless nights, he decided to ask his older brother.  
  
"Hey Gohan!"  
  
"Yes, brother of mine who will never be as strong as me?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing... What did you want to ask?"  
  
"What's a Super Saiyan?"  
  
Gohan had to think about this for awhile, he didn't really know what a Super Saiyan was himself. So he decided to give Goten the answer that his father told him way back when Cell was destroying the Earth. "Goten, a Super Saiyan is-" 

----

Outside Capsule Corp, a massive explosion occurred as Cell was flung into the realm. Now it was time to get his revenge, firstly on Vegeta, for it was he who distracted Cell during the Kamehameha duel. The android decided to don a false moustache and knock on the front door.  
  
"Stupid woman, chaining me to the wall like that" Vegeta sulked as he opened the door, large chunks of the living room wall still attached to his legs. "Hello?"  
  
"Hello good Sir!" Cell said. "Did you know that you're not the master tactician. HA, I SAID IT!" The android laughed insanely then ran away.  
  
"But, I'LL SHOW YOU A GOOD TACTIC, _RUSH INTO THINGS_!!" Vegeta screamed and slammed his head into a wall, pretty much knocking himself out. He was the prince of all Unconsciousness once more!


	2. Watch out for Take Markers, they hurt

Disclaimer: Liek i spok two Akeera Torriyumah dis 'arvo n he wuz al 'SUP HOMES, i ownz Dbz foo', donchoo go touchin' meh stuff' n i wuz liek 'Well I say! You're quite the rapscallion!'

----Cell: Master of Insanity----

Cell, rather pleased with his bizarre prank on Vegeta, decided to go pull jokes off on the other Z-Fighters. He first flew over to Kame House to tell Roshi that all the women in his magazines were men and that Krillin was actually a Pichi-Pichi gal, which caused a crap load of chaos to say the least. Then he forced poor Dende and Piccolo to watch Alien vs. Predator.

The two Namekians were never the same again.

---

"Oh! I get it!" Goten smiled at his brother "So a Super Saiyan is a massive pork-rip that is covered in juicy goodness, that is also a Ninja and can fire Viking War Hammers out of his thumb!?"

"Yeah, sure." Gohan glanced to the side "Why the hell not?"

"Awesome!" Goten chirped "And this _Super Saiyan 2_ turns you into a reincarnated Laser Pirate who's arms are actually Lightsabres?"

"Indeed"

"And what about _Super Saiyan 3_?"

"Super Saiyan 3!?" Gohan looked down at his brother "I laugh at Super Saiyan 3, look at me go, Hahahaha! _Oh look at me with my big poncy hair, I'm so girly. I might join a boy band!!_ Now, the Chou power up. That's manly!"

"You wouldn't happen to be bias, would you?" Goten asked. 

"No... Why do you ask? Because Chou is manly and better? GO CHOU! **IT'S CHOU TIME!!!**"

"That's the worst pun I've ever heard"

---

Vegeta tapped his foot impatiently, wishing the clouds in front of him would hurry up and let him get to Yemma, the Saiyan prince was quite confused as to why he died, but he was sure that Yemma could tell him that.

"Oh!" Yemma death-glared a cloud "So you don't want to go to Hell? Well do you want me to Yemma lock you? HUH!? HUH!? Yeah, I thought so... Go Yemma, Team Spirit '89!"

"Yemma!" Vegeta screamed out, his raspy voice scaring away all the clouds. "How the hell did I die!? Answer me!"  
  
The red giant flipped through one of the many books he had lying about. Including ones no-one should know about. "Let's see, here we go! Vegeta..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Apparently you died when Trunks decided to chuck a freezer at your unconscious body"

"_I KNEW IT!!_" Vegeta screamed "Trunks and Frieza were working together to kill me! Those sly bastards, but I'll get him, using the _VEGETA LOCK!!!_"  
  
"Uh... you don't have a move like that" 

"I don't!? Well I could of swore I got it from somewhere"  
  
"Me, perhaps?"

"No! Don't be silly!" Vegeta chuckled for a few moments, but suddenly stopped as a bizarre person popped up behind him.

"Hello Vegeta!" Goku called out "Why are you dead? Is Pilaf back? I'll get rid of him for you, _GO OOZARU POWER_! USE YOUR MIGHTY TON-TON BEAM!!"

"Oh, it's you Kakarot!" Vegeta snuffed, _Oh crumbs! It's Kakarot, I haven't seen him in years, and now how am I meant to act again? Oh! I know!_

"You okay Vegeta?" Goku asked as he prodded in inside of the Prince's nose.

"OH KAKY-CHAN!!" Vegeta glomped the taller Saiyan and kissed him "I WUV YOU!"

"Uh, Vegeta?" Goku stared wide-eyed at the other Saiyan "What are you doing!?"

The Prince snapped back to reality and jumped off Goku. "I have no idea! Don't think that means anything Kakarot! I hate you! I hate you and your dress!"

"But I got this from you, remember?"  
  
"Shut up! Shut up! I don't need this; it is hard being a Vegeta in these times, always getting beaten up and having homo-erotic stories written about you, I WANT SOME PEACE!!" Vegeta screamed and jumped out the window and into Hell.

"Well, that was lovely..." Yemma sighed

---

While all that commotion was going on above, down in Hell. Frieza had finally gotten his movie script together. Sadly he didn't give any to the actors, he was selfish that way.

"Okay! Places everyone!" Frieza called out to the actors. "Remember your lines!"  
  
"But you didn't give us any lines!" Zarbon called out.  
  
"Hey! Don't make me come over there!" Frieza pointed "Father, how are you?"  
  
"Splendid!" King Cold swirled his wine glass. "The spotlight needs me!"

"_The world is a robot!_ Scene: 1 Take: 1... And, action!" Cooler snapped the Take Marker. "It hit my spine! **_THE PAIN!!_**"

"Hello there.... Dodoria!" Zarbon stood in front of a bus.  
  
"Greetings... uh... Line?" Dodoria glanced over to Frieza. But only got a glare. "Rumplestiltskin, yes that will do!"

"Well, I say gents!" King Cold walked by "You seem to be waiting for a bus!"

"Yes we ARGH!! THE WINE! IT'S IN MY EYES!!" Zarbon screamed, and then fell over.

"He's dead, Jim!" Dodoria glanced at King Cold.

"I guess it was needed, seeing as... I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"**SPAWN MORE OVERLORDS!!**" Gero swung onto the set and slammed into a building.

"**RUNNING RIOT!!**" King Cold screamed then exploded for no real reason.

"And cut!" Frieza stood up and glanced down at his script. "That was brilliant! The best funeral acting I've seen!"

---

Cell stood over the Son Residence, this time he was sure, unlike that fake Son House that turned into a massive robot and tried to eat him. Oh what horrors he had in store for the Saiyan!


	3. The Vegeta Special!

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z. Akira does. He speaks l33t. It's very scary...... n00b.

----Cell: Master of Insanity: Vegeta Special----

As Vegeta plummeted down through the clouds and into Hell. Wacky thoughts filled his head. At first he figured that the Earth wasn't such a bad place to live, it had Bulma, Hotdogs. Kaky-chan... Well, not anymore. That does it. Earth was going to be destroyed. It was nothing without Kaky--

"Vegeta. That's the second time you've thought about him. Stop it!" The Saiyan prince muttered before slammed head first into the ground.

"Cut!" Frieza screamed out as he looked at the newly formed crater next to him. "Who did this?"

"I think I did" Dodoria muttered "Those beans I had for lunch were simply _nasty_!"

"I wish I could slam into the ground" Zarbon sniffed. "Vegeta must be beside himself with joy!"

"Hmm…" Vegeta thought just before he went unconscious. "What would happen if I was beside myself?

----

_Vegeta..._

_Vegeta..._

_**VEGETA YOU ARSEHOLE!**_

The Saiyan prince flung himself up. He was inside his old Saiyan spaceship. But why? Why was he here of all places? These thoughts flew around in his head for awhile until Vegeta looked next to him. It was another Vegeta! Quite handsome too.

"Oh. My. God! I'm beside myself! There are two of me!" Vegeta giggled. "Just imagine all the fun we'll have!"

"I love you Vegeta!" V2 sighed.

"I love you as well, Vegeta!" The Saiyan prince sighed back.

"Just imagine all the fun we'll have!" Both of them screamed.

----6 Months Later----

"What have you done to the people of this planet!?" Goku yelled as he approached Vegeta. "And where is my son?"

"Your son is fine. Though you might not want to look behind you!"

"How come?" The naive Saiyan spun around. And was punched in the head by.. Vegeta!? Goku couldn't make heads or tails of this. Then again, he lost his tail. Maybe that was why humans were always so confused. Those crazy humans!

"See!" V2 laughed. "It's funny because there are two of us! And you only expected one!"

"Oh yeah!?" Goku started to chuckle before being enveloped in a, explosive deep red aura "**KAIOKEN!**"

_"Gallic Gun!"_

_"Gallin Gun!"_

Goku couldn't dodge both of the massive pink attacks, and he, along with the rest of the planet. Was promptly destroyed! Vegeta would of normally felt sad for the loss of his beloved Kakarot. But hey! There was two of him now. Time for hilarity!

----4 Months Later----

Both Vegetas were lounging around in a space bar. Being surrounded by all types of alien women. At least, they though they were women. Life was good! They had already taken over half of the universe. And were now ready to take over Pimp-Earth 10. The Pimpingest place in the entire Universe! When all of a sudden. Frieza stepped into the bar.

"Oh no! It's old man Frieza!" The bartender screamed and jumped behind the table.

"Hey! Vegetas!" Frieza pointed. "This Universe ain't big enough for the two of us!"

"Actually good sir!" V2 exclaimed. Now wearing a monocle and had a pipe in his mouth. "Seeing as all three of us can fit into this bar without any sort of squishing. It is entirely possible for the Universe to be big enough for all of us."

"_M..MIND GAMES_!" Frieza screamed. "I didn't want to do this! But I have to transform!" The alien let out an ear piercing bellow and transformed into his second form. Also known as 'Viking Frieza!'

"Where's your warhammer?" Vegeta asked.

"My wha!?"

"You're a Viking! Who ever heard of a Viking without a warhammer!?"

"B-But.. I'm Frieza! I don't need a hammer!"

"I don't care who you are! You can't be a Viking without a warhammer!" Vegeta sighed and turned around his other self. "Let's kill him!"

"Of course! You sexy beast!" V2 giggled. The two Vegeta's jumped into the bar hallway and started powering up. Within seconds their hair began to stand on end and turn gold. With a might roar, the two Princes turned _Super Saiyan_.

"Oh no!" Frieza began to fly away in fear "Two Super Saiyans! There is only one thing to do!"

----3 Years Later----

"Flying through space is fun!" Vegeta giggled. "But what now? We killed Frieza and we just destroyed that planet with what's-his-name on it."

"Baby?"

"Yeah, that's the one!"

"I heard of this mighty warrior nearby. Maybe we should fight him?" V2 suggested.

Yes. Maybe you should!

"Who the hell said that!?" Vegeta called out. Within moments two mysterious fighters appeared in front of them!

"Good gravy!" V2 said. Then realizing there were people here. He put aside his lunch. "Oh noes! It's #8 and the 16-Kid!"

"That's Ha-chan! and the 16-Kid!" Ha-chan called out. "You might be powerful with your pimping powers! But have you defeated the mighty moonworm?"

"Yes" Vegeta replied

"Really?"

"That's what I said.."

"**YOU'RE LYING!!**" Ha-chan screamed out and tried to attack Vegeta, but was easily swatted away. "What? But I'm the powerful Ha-chan. I can't be beaten!"

"You can now!" Vegeta screamed out. "And here's a little going away present for you!"

"For me?" Ha-chan smiled as Vegeta brang him a box. "You shouldn't have. I wonder what's inside it?"

"Hello!" V2 said as he popped out of the box. "_BIG BANG ATTACK_!"

"Oh noes!" Ha-chan screamed before he and 16 were blasted into a million pieces.

"Hahahaha!" Vegeta laughed before turning around. "V2?.. You cray-zeh!"

"Don't forget sexy!"

"Silly me, how could I forget? I love you!"

----2 Years Later----

"Look at these little worms run!" Vegeta laughed as he stood on the rotting body of Dabura. "They're so sad. That little wizard was pretty awesome though."

"They're going to kill us all!" A few henchmen on Babidi's spaceship screamed out.

"Wait a moment!" One called out. "Let's summon our hero!"

"Yes. Lets!" Four more henchman stopped and stood in a circle.

_"EARTH!"_

_"FIRE!"_

_"WIND!"_

_"WATER"_

_"HEART!"_

_"GOOO PLANET!"_

"By your powered combined! A voice boomed out. "I am.. **KIBITO!!!**"

"Oh shit!" V2 screamed "It's the powerful hero. Kibito! I heard he killed a Ninja just by looking at it!"

"Vegetas!" The red creature called out. "Prepare to die!"

"I don't think so!" Vegeta screamed before turning Super Saiyan 3. "_FINAL FLASH_!"

"No Vegeta, baby!" V2 called out. "He's too powerful!"

"_KIBITO BLAST OF THE AWESOME_!" Kibito screamed, firing a massive red blast out of his hand. It vaporized both the Final Flash and Vegeta, easily.

"Vegeta! Honey! The inspiration of my life!" V2 cried. "The only way to escape Kibito is too. _TAKE EVERYONE WITH ME_!"

"Oh noes!" The henchman screamed.

"..._TO VEGAS-4_ the casino planet!" V2 finished

"Hurrah!" Everyone called out. "Go Vegeta number two. You so sexy!"

"I know. I know!"

----

_Vegeta.._

_Vegeta..._

_He's not waking up. Zarbon. Issue the buttsecks!_

"No! No! I'm up!" Vegeta got to his feet. "Where am I? And where's the other me?"

"Other you?" Cooler looked at the Saiyan oddly. "What are you talking about."

"Was.." Vegeta sat down. "It a dream?"

"Yes, yes it was." Frieza nodded. "Now! How would you like to be an actor on my movie?"


	4. Puns are fun!

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, Akira Toriyama does! That tramp! He said I was the only one for him!

-----Cell: Master of Insanity-----

Cell waited patiently for Son Gohan to exit his house. Oh how he had longed for this day. Now he could finally get his revenge on the pesky Saiyan.

_Excellent! _The android thought _He's coming out. TIME TO STRIKE!_

"Golly gee, Nimbus!" Gohan whistled "It sure is a nice day!"

"HAHA!" Cell leapt out from the bushes. "Now It is time for my revenge!"

"Oh no!" Gohan gasped, instead of doing something useful like killing Cell. He's quite the rebel, wouldn't you say?

"Yes… Right now. I will carry out my plan!"

"Well do it then."

"I can't" The android looked down at twiddled his thumbs.

"Why not?"

"I just remembered I have no actual plan yet"

"Well it seems to me like you should go and think of a plan to kill me"

"Yeah. Sounds good!" The android smiled before flying off. "Off I go!"

"What a nice man" Gohan grinned.

----

Cooler nervously took the take marker into his hands. "Uh.. L-Life is a robot. Scene 23, take 3. And… Action!" The alien snapped the marker down. "**OH GOD! IT TOOK MY HAND OFF!**"

"Y helo thar buttseck—I mean, Dodoria" Zarbon said.

"Yes, it is a rather nice day!" The alien shortly replied.

"I think you have the wrong page."

"I do? Oh blast it! Okay. Let's try again."

"Why hello there, good sir! How are you?" Zarbon bowed

"_OH. MY. GOD!_ Zarbon! Why didn't you tell me that you were going out with this hussy!" Dodoria screamed and pointed.

"Hey!" Vegeta snapped "Stop pointing at me!"

"Wrong page again, Dodoria."

"That does it. I'm going to the Hell picnic. Screw this!" The pink creature threw his script up into the air and walked off.

"CUT!" Frieza screamed out. "Father! Replace Dodoria's spot"

"Why of course." King Cold walked onto the stage, swirling his wine-glass.

"Lord Frieza. You do know that Zarbon is a alcoholic, right?" A random henchman tried to explain.

"I think I would know if Zarbon was a woman." Frieza flicked his hand into the air, dismissing the henchman's claims. "Anyway. Continue the scene!"

"Why hello there, good sir!" Zarbon bowed. " How ar----**ALCOHOL!**"

"Get back!" King Cold screamed. "Get b—_ARGH!_ _He's biting my brain_!"

----

"You know what?" Yamcha spoke out to no one in particular.

"No." Puar responded. "What?"

"With all these Saiyans around. I haven't gotten any decent fight scenes in ages. Now it's Yamcha's time to shine!"

"And why is that?"

"With my mighty, filler baseball bat. I could take this world on!"

"Don't you remember what happened last time?"

"Yes."

"Oh…"

"Yup, I sure remember. No need for a flashback or anything!"

"Well..." Puar yawned. "Now what do we do? This scene has nothing anymore"

"Wanna go measure peoples power-levels? I'm quite good at that now. In fact! I know who the strongest person is. Well, strongest human that is. I used it at the Budokai, remember?"

"That hasn't happened yet."

"It hasn't?"

"Nope!"

"Oh dang it! Wanna go on a drinking binge?"

"You already are drunk."

"**Lies! Hateful, hateful lies!**"

"What do I look like then."

"A flying blue cat."

"You think I look like that?!"

"What do you look like then?"

"Well…."

----

"So, this _picnic_ thing you speak of" Vegeta walked along side the Bloody Pond with Dodoria. "There is food. And games?"

"Oh yes. So many games!" Dodoria belly-laughed. "Like the sack-race. If you had a good enough plan. I'm sure that you'd win."

"Really now?" Vegeta stroked his chin. "Most interesting. Then I'd show Kakarot who the _true_ Saiyan is!"

"Don't you mean _trooooo_?"

"Oh shut up!"

----

West City hospital was like a madhouse. Well, not really. The madhouse was next door. And it was quite different from a hospital, let me tell you! Anyway, Videl raced down the hallway of the third floor and barged into a room. There lied Sharpener, hooked up to all sorts of bizarre machines. He even had a dancing clown in his room. Videl always liked clowns. She also enjoyed going horrendously off-topic for the sake of explaining what certain environments looked like, and how she felt about them.

"Oh Sharpener!" The girl cried. "I came as soon as I could! What happened!?"

"I have Syphilis… And my Duodenum exploded."

"Sounds horrible!"

"I don't know. Besides the mind-numbing pain, which haunts me every single second of the day, which at night manifests itself horrible nightmares that make my brain bleed just by remotely _mentioning_ them and the fact that I'm going to die. It's not _that _bad"

"Is their anything I can get you?" Videl asked. "Perhaps a pencil?"

"Oh, ha-ha! Very funny."

----

"I will win this race!" Vegeta screamed. "You won't get the better of me, sack! I have prepared my entire life too defeat you, you third class piece of holding device! I am the true Super Saiyan of legend!"

"I don't think it's trying to say otherwise." Jeice mumbled.

"Oh, that's what it wants you to think! But I know better, Juice!"

"Jeice…"

"No one cares. Anyway, I've seen this thing training. It's already learnt how to fly, we all saw it!"

"It was windy that day!"

"Oh-ho-ho-ho!" Vegeta chuckled. "My poor, stupid Australian stereotype friend. You're an idiot!"

"Crikey!"

"This bag is obviously evil! I'm the only one who the mental power to see it!"

"Struth, mate!"

"Stop that."

"Sorry…"

"But I will win this sack-race. Just you wait!"

"Uh. Vegeta?" Burter walked up to the Saiyan. "You do realize you'll be racing _in_ the sack, not _against_ it, right?"

"**WHAT?!** I have to work with my rival? Has this world gone mad!"

"Yes, many times if I recall."

"Shut up, you!"


	5. The plot twist!

Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama went mad with power one day and bought the rights to Dragonball Z. He owns them now. That sadistic little bitch!

-Cell: Master of Insanity-

A group of children sat around a campfire. With them was an old crusty man, you can't have a campfire without one of them, you know. The children were busy giggling and so forth and the crusty man screamed like a banshee, making everyone go silent.

"Children!"

"Yes Glibona Doer Zekki Smith Cluin Retunsa Steutnsa Blau Mopkin the fourth billionth?"

"I am going to tell you a story!"

"Oh! Oh! Does it have Vegeta in it?"

"Yes. Yes it does."

"Yaaaay!"

"Now it all started…"

-

Vegeta looked around in confusion, everyone was hopping inside their sacks, ready to race. But… Was Vegeta expected to do the same? This sack was his number one rival, it was a lower-class holding device. How could he expect to work with it?

"Sack.." Vegeta calmly started speaking to it. "We should fight together!"

"…."

"Come on! What are you waiting for, give me a Senzu bean, we want to be at full strength for whatever's out there."

"…."

"Hehehe" Vegeta chortled at he knocked the sack in the back, making it fall over. "HAHA! It was a trap! I wanted to fight Majin Buu alone. **VEGETA WINS!**" With that, the insane Saiyan flew off cackling like mad.

-

Cell started pacing like mad.

"Why can't I defeat Son Gohan?" The android yelled. "I have the power. But something is stopping me from extracting my revenge."

"Absorb him?"

"What would that achieve. Random voice?"

"…Beer"

"Really?" Cell stroked his chin.

"Uh.. sure, why the hell not?"

"But what would beer do for me?"

"Why are you asking me? I'm just a random text god."

"Touché." Cell started to walk away. Into the distance. The sunset. Sad music played. The story is now over.

THE END!

-

"Hey!" One of the children called out. "That isn't the end. Is it?"

"No. I was just kidding."

"That's not very funny you know!"

"Well.. you see..." The old man darted around for a second before kicking the child into a tree. "Anyway, where was I? Oh yes! Cell was starting to think that absorbing Son Gohan was a good idea. And Vegeta had gone insane. And Yamcha was wondering what Puar was."

-

"Okay Puar. What exactly are you then?"

"Well, you see. My name is not Puar. It's Dr. Apocalypse!"

"I say!" Yamcha gasped in shock. "So you're not a flying cat?"

"No. I am in fact a seventy mile tall Ninja who has plans to destroy the cosmos."

"How do you plan to do that?"

"It's obvious really. I have a machine that can take me into the Dragonball GT universe. Once there I will grab a plothole and bring it back here, the size of the plothole will suck the entire Universe into it."

"You bastard!"

"And no-one can stop me. Muahahahahaha!" Dr. Apocalypse quickly jumped onto a Mustang and rode away. Into the sunset, no less.

"What am I going to do?" Yamcha paced around for a while. "Aha! I'll call Tenshinhan! And together we will save the day! I am so clever. Clever McYamcha they used to call me. Until the realized that wasn't my name and stopped calling me that."

-

"Hey!" Bulma yelled out to no-one in particular. "How come no females are getting a role in this plot?"

"I say we start our own organization to fight evil!" Chi-Chi also yelled.

"Yeah! Girl power!" The two yelled in unison.

"Oh! Oh! A girl plot!" Vegeta appeared and started giggling. "Sisters are doing it for themselves! Can I join, Girlfriends?"

"…What the hell?" Bulma stared at Vegeta.

"Aren't you meant to be dead?" Chi-Chi asked

"I escaped hell while running away from." Vegeta's sentence was cut short as the door slammed open. And there stood… the sack. "_YOU!"_

"…."

"You think you can mock the Prince of all Saiyans?"

"He's a the Prince of Saiyans?" Chi-Chi asked. "I never knew that."

"Yeah, he should say it more often." Bulma sighed.

"You don't scare me!" Vegeta laughed, before turning Super Saiyan. "_FINAL FLASH!"_

"NO FATHER! YOU'LL KILL US ALL!" Trunks appeared and started screaming.

"Man, that android's toast!" Krillin stated.

"Yeah.. More like **BURNT** toast" Piccolo finished.

"Uh guys. Wrong Vegeta attack."

"Sorry." Piccolo and Krillin said before vanishing.

-

"The Final Flash tore through the living room." The old man continued. "But then! Suddenly… ZzZzZzZzZzzzz.."

"He fell asleep!" One child stated.

"Quick! Pee in his butt!" Another said, everyone turned to look at him. "…_WHAT?"_


	6. But they aren't Saiyans

Disclaimer: It was Akira Toriyama in the dining room with the rights to DBZ. I win!

-Cell: Master of Insanity-

The Final Flash flew it's way through the living room of Capsule Corporation and slammed right into the bag. Triggering a massive explosion, which blew up half of the building. Once the rubble had fallen, Vegeta looked in awe as the sack stood _behind_ him.

"What?" Vegeta gasped. "He knows the Instant Transmission!"

"No…" Bulma twitched with anger. "You aimed it the wrong way."

"You blew up my house?" Vegeta screamed at the sack. "Don't touch me! I'm burning with rage!"

"Actually _you _destroyed the bloody thing!"

"I did?" Vegeta looked blank for a moment. Then he started laughing. "Oh, woman! I think I would remember if I blew up the house. I have a very good memory, you know."

"Oh really? Then who killed Frieza?"

"Gotenks?"

"GAH!"

-

Gohan walked through the streets of Satan City, on his way to High School. When all of a sudden. CELLS! THOUSANDS OF THEM! Appeared out of nowhere.

"The hell?" Gohan leapt into a defensive stance.

"Hahaha!" The Cells laughed in unison. "You might have beaten one of us! But you'll beat a thousand!"

"How did you multiply?.. Wait, you just said I _can_ beat a thousand of you."

"I did? Oh blast!"

"Real smart, Cell."

"Oh shut up, you!" The Cells snapped back. "We are just cheap clones of the original Cell. The only reason we exist is to give you a message!"

"Wait... Cell made a thousand of you, just to relay a message?"

"Yes."

"Am I the only one who sees the problem with that?"

"We have a bloated budget."

"I see… So, what's the message."

One Cell stepped forward with a piece of paper. He was also wearing a monocle. "Ahem. _FOOL! GOHAN! MINIUMUS POWER! The mighty CELL is forming a GIGA KAMEHA-MEHA above the planet EARTH. You are timid like a little gentleman. So you can do nothing, son of SUPER GOKU and Chee-chee! Unless you grab 3 rare items from across EARTH!_"

"That's the most idiotic message I've ever heard."

"Dr. Gero only gave the original Cell the Dragonball Z: Ultimate Battle 22 manual to learn English from"

"Interesting" Gohan moaned in boredom. "So what are these items?"

"Your father knows. And now, we explode!" The Cells screaming before flying into the air and exploding.

-

"What's this all about?" Tenshinhan set down in confusion.

"Well it seems Puar isn't as good as we originally thought!" Yamcha declared.

"What are you talking about?" Tenshinhan pointed. "Everyone has known that 'Puar' is evil."

"Everyone?"

"Yes, you keep referring to him as Puar, the cunning! While everyone else has known him to be Dr. Apocalypse, reaper of souls!"

"So I was the only one who didn't know?"

"That's what I said."

Yamcha started laughing. "You almost tricked me Tenshinhan, or should I say… **TENSHINHAN?**"

"Yes, that's my name"

"Oh… Wanna save the world then?"

"But we aren't Saiyans" Tenshinhan pointed out.

"Yes, but they are gone now. So now we can save the day!"

"But we aren't Snipers."

"Or... _ARE WE?_"

"No, we aren't"

"Oh shut up, Ten!"

-

"Sack!" Vegeta called out. "You can't hide forever! I will find and kill you one of these days!"

"Vegeta! He's gone, shut the hell up already!" Bulma screamed.

"I know he's… THE HELL?" Vegeta looked behind him and the sack appeared with a massive Ki ball inside it. Vegeta knew he had no chance of escaping. "Clever girl!" The sack fired the massive blast and Vegeta was erased from existence.

"How the hell did a sack do that?" Chi-Chi wondered.

"Hello!" Kid Trunks walked into the destroyed room with Goten. "Where's father. He's the best! I know he could never be defeated!"

"Trunks." Bulma sniffed. "He is gone."

"Haha!" Trunks laughed. "To an amateur, it seemed like he was killed. But we all know he used his teleporting ability to escape."

"No Trunks" Goten poked the Saiyan. "That's my father."

"Oh! Then who's mine?"

"Vegeta."

"THAT'S MY FATHER? OH, GOD DAMN IT!" Trunks punched the floor in anger.

-

"Quiet on the set!" Frieza called out.

"You're not going to get me this time, take-marker!" Cooler giggled as he surrounded himself in titanium armour. "And action…_OH GOD! IT GOT MY EYE! HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN?"_

"Great morning isn't it, Dodoria?" Zarbon walked onto the set. "Dodoria?"

"Sorry, Zarbon" Frieza interrupted. "Dodoria is missing, so we replaced him with a twenty story tall homicidal Behemoth with Berserk casted on it."

"You're kidding right?" Zarbon spun around, seeing the Behemoth inches from his face. "Oh, son of a b—"

The Behemoth then closed its jaws.

-

"Oh, Sharpener!" Eraser hugged the boy. "Are you going to be alright?"

"I don't know. My Duodena was like an extension of myself."

"Do you even know what the hell it is?" Videl asked.

"Of course I do!" Sharpener scoffed "I wouldn't be able to breathe otherwise."

"But if it exploded—"

"Oh god!" Sharpener leapt out of the bed. "I CAN'T BREATHE! What if I'm a zombie? They can't just go around saying 'Want some brains Sharpener?' nor 'Would you like some crumpets, Fillips?' My name isn't Fillips you know, that would lead to mass confusion! The universe would crumble! Think of it! _Think of it, damn you!"_ Sharpener started shaking Eraser like mad.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Videl slapped the boy.

"No, go away!" Sharper pushed the two girls' aside. "Go! Before I turn into a zombie."

"But you're not.."

"JUST GO! I can already feel the a weird feeling inside me!"

"That's because _your bloody Duodena exploded_!" Videl screamed, pushing Sharpener back into his bed. "Now shut the hell up!"

"Yes'm" Sharpener sniffed as Videl walked out of the room. "Oh Eraser?"

"Yes?"

"Come closer."

"What is it?"

"_BRAINS!"_

"AIEEEEEEE!"


	7. WHAT?

Disclaimer: That ruffian Toriyama went and done bought himself the rights to Dragonball Z. Not me! BLAST!

-Cell: Master of Insanity-

Vegeta stood there in absolute darkness, he wasn't quite sure where he was. But he knew it was thanks to that damned sack of death. He also had an itch on his back he couldn't quite reach. It was annoying him, annoying him so much that he was going off-topic just to comment on it.

_Vegeta…_

"Who's there?" Vegeta spun around quickly. "Show yourself!"

_I'm in front of you, you fucking nit!_

"Oh, right… Sorry"

_It seems you have met up with our runaway abomination, the sack! We have brought you here, to the land of inexplicable power-ups in order to help you combat the sack menace!_

"Power-up. Eh?" Vegeta stroked his chin. "How much stronger will I get?"

_You'll become SO powerful, that you could kill Chou Gohan by simply coughing in his general direction._

"I like it!" Vegeta jumped up and down with glee. "Finally Kakarot! I will show you the meaning of defeat. With my mighty hand, I will strike you down like the sad creature you are. You remind me of my uncle Kakaroff. Oh he was such a card! A trap card, mind you. But a card none-the-less!"

_Uh...Vegeta?_

"I hope you remember those times that you defeated me in battle Kakarot! Because soon the tables will be turned! I am Super Vegeta! Prince of all Saiyans. I will strike you down, steal your wallet and go buy some brand of expensive shampoo. Not the women shampoo though! I don't want to turn girly… Though these spandex do make my arse look big. It's quite distressing, you know."

_You can stop now!_

"Never-the-less! I will become so powerful that I will destroy you by simply blinking. Vegeta: Man of the wonder-blink, they will call me. But now the tides have changed! And if I don't get out of this water soon, my skin is going to get all pr—wait. No! That's not it_… FUCK_!"

-

"This is Random Reporter. Reporting to you from Satan City! It seems the down has been run over by Zombies! And with no STARS members about. It seems things are going to get ugly. Michael Moore ugly." The reporter looked to her cameraman. "See? I made a political joke, it's funny because people don't like him, and think he's silly. Get it? DO YOU? ANSWER ME?"

"Ple.ase..stop..choking…me"

"Oh right. Anyway, it seems that Satan City is doomed! But no one cares. The Dragonballs can revive us, even though we aren't supposed to know what they are. Kekekekeke."

-

"Piccolo? Did you hear that?" Dende called out to the other Namek.

"Yes I did Dende. I believe it's time to call out the _Super Mighty Namekian Squad_!"

"You can't be serious?"

"Oh I am. As serious as a bowl of cheese!"

"…That's not very serious, you know"

"It isn't? I always thought they were serious things. Always sitting there… with their beady little eyes… why did you hurt me mother? Why did you hurt me so?"

"Uh. Piccolo? Namekians don't have mothers."

"Right! Aside from that, I believe we should get out the _Super Mighty Namekian Squad!_"

"I'll go get them" Dende sighed as walked off behind the lookout. Seriously contemplating jumping off it.

-

"Alright labor slaves!" Frieza called out to his cast. "This is the final dramatic scene. It's so dramatic. That I had to actually give you scripts in order to bloody well make it."

"Yes, that does make sense" Dodoria muttered.

"Places everyone!" Frieza clapped and the crew scattered about the set. Within a few short moments, everything was ready for his dramatic scene. "Cooler! You can use the take-marker now… Cooler? Cooler!"

Everyone started muttering on the set when a door flung open and a metallic figure walked in, making funky clanking noises as he went. It was Meta-Cooler! "I am here, brother!"

"It's about time. And what's with the metal?"

"That evil take-marker made me lose so many body parts that I had to go and turn myself into a robot!"

"Whatever. Just use the damned thing."

"Fine. Fine. Scene 3450, take 1 and… Action!" Cooler smacked the take-marker. He waited a few moments before he noticed that nothing had fallen off. "Finally. The curse of the take-marker has been lifted. Wait a minute! Why is my metallic body rusting? No! Curse you, take-marker! _CURSE YOU_!"

-

Gohan was in the middle of a dark, smelly cave. Well he wasn't entirely sure he was in the middle of it. But he had a generally decent idea that was far enough from the entrance to warrant such a statement. He was weird like that.

"Why the hell am I looking for father in a cave?"

"Gohan!"

"Father? What are you doing here?"

"I'unno. Seemed like a good idea at the time." Goku shrugged. "You wanted to speak to me?"

"Yes. Cell is back and he said if I don't find some random items, that he was going to destroy the world. And you knew where they were."

"Cell is lying. I have no idea where a destroy the world is!"

"I meant the _items_!"

"Oh… Right, I know where they are!"

"Can you please tell me?"

"Nononononono! I can't just tell you! First you must complete an assortment of crazy and down right suicidal quests. One of them will be to attack an angry Orc with +56 STR. They will bite your face off and all other organs in your body. Only after that is complete, can I tell you to location of the items."

"Or we could _not_ do that!"

"No! Your mind games will not work on me. The Legendary Super Saiyan: Son Goku!"

"I'm stronger than you." Gohan sighed.

"LIES! Uncle TOEI told me about you Gohan. You're an evil man! You suck the powers out of others in order to make them your own. Well you're not getting my blood. Kamehameha!"

"Dad. When you scream out an attack. It helps to actually do it as well."

"Only villains do that! The Dark Side of the Ki will not tempt me. I was pure, good. _ALLY TO GOOD! NIGHTMARE TO YOU!_"

"Why do you the keep screaming that?"

"Force of habit, son."

-

The citizens of Satan City were running about in a mad panic. Not a calm panic, mind you. A mad one. We clear on that, mister? Yes? Good! When the _Super Mighty Namekian Squad_ landed to save the day.

"Hahaha! Evil Zombies!" Piccolo laughed. "You may be winning now, but soon we will change that! I am Piccolo! With the power of regeneration!"

"I am Dende!" The Namek twirled about in a ridiculously stupid fashion. "With the power to heal!"

"WHAT?" Guru yelled out.

"Tell them what you do, Guru." Piccolo sighed.

"WHAT?"

"I am Green Pedestrian Light. With the power to help people know when to walk!"

"I am Nail!" The warrior pranced about with an incredibly bizarre staff. "SEXY BEAM!" And with that, Nail was surrounded in light and transformed into Sexy Nail! Nail felt so proud of himself, and he felt sexy as well. The Namekians glee was cut short when he noticed everyone looking at him oddly. "**…WHAT?**"

"Anyway!" Piccolo turned back to the Zombies. "We are hear to kick your arse!"

The _Super Mighty Namekian Squad_ was about to leap into action when a massive explosion sent a good portion of the Zombies flying in random directions, in the middle of the smoking crater stood Tenshinhan!

"Good job, Ten!" Yamcha called out. "We're saving the city, like heroes. GLEE!"

"Hey!" Piccolo screamed out. "We are here to save the city!"

"Like hell you are Mr. Green-man!" Yamcha spat at the Namek. "We Humans don't get enough air time. We need to stay important you know!"

"It's not like us Nameks gave it easy either!" Dende stepped forward. "Right, Guru?"

"WHAT?"

"Ugh.."

"Well!" Chouzu stepped up. "It looks like we are going to have to have a competition in order to see who wins the title of Protector of Earth!"

-

"And now!" Frieza yelled out in front of an incredibly captivated audience. That is to say that Brolly was busy knawing on Turles' head and Janemba was in the corner muttering like an idiot. But everyone else was rather sane. And that's what counts! "I present to you, my very first movie. _The world is a robot_…"


	8. The World is a Robot!

Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama leveled up! Gained new ability '_Rights to DBZ'_

-

A sports car was careening down the streets of West City, causing many a person to jump out of it's way. As the unlabeled car careened in and out of oncoming traffic. A helicopter flew overhead, shooting lasers down at it. Lasers are very trendy, you know. The driver simply smiled and gained speed, eventually losing the helicopter. The driver laughed maniacally he looked at the round ahead of him, there stood. NINJAS! THOUSANDS OF THEM!

"What the hell?" The driver screamed as he spun out of control and into a nearby building wall. Causing the entire skyscraper to collapse on the car.

"Hahaha!" Another figure walked forward, from the army on ninjas. "You just bought yourself 10 years in jail"

"He's dead sir" One of the ninjas pointed out.

"Huh? What killed him?"

"I believe it was the Skyscraper."

"What?" The man stomped over to the building and chucked a pair of handcuffs on it. "You are being arrested on the order of manslaughter"

"God. What a fucking twit." The ninjas mumbled in unison.

The man quickly spun around. "You fools! I am Frieza, everything I say is law! Do not disobey my pants!"

"You don't have pants."

"SILENCE!"

**-_Frieza: The World is a Robot!_-**

"Y Helo Thar... uh.. Zarbon!" Dodoria stuttered, having no script does that to an actor. "What a lovely day"

"A comet you say? When will it hit?"

"Zarbon, wrong page."

"Oh.. Right... _Shit!_"

-

"Mr. President" Nappa ran into the room as fast as his little legs could carry him. Well, actually his legs were quite massive. But that's not the point right now. "A comet is heading towards Earth"

"Yes, it is a lovely day" Zarbon grinned, before his was overcome with confusion. "Wait a minute..."

"Uh.." Nappa scratched his head for a moment, before deciding to just continue. "The comet will arrive in exactly nine months"

"Nine months? Surely you don't mean.."

"YES! The comet is.." Nappa paused before spinning around to Cell. "His child"

"What the fuck?" Cell stood up quickly and flipped through his script. "Hey! You never informed me of this!"

"Hey! Don't make me come over there" Frieza called out off screen.

"So.. uh.. what do we do to stop the comet?" Zarbon asked.

"We must ask our scientist"

"The white house only has one scientist?"

"Apparently."

"I see.."

-

"Oh scientist" Zarbon called out when he entered the lab,

"KAKAROTTO!"

"Oh, hello Professor Brolly. How goes your study of Quantum Physics?"

"KAKAROTTO!"

"Lovely, glad to hear it. Anyway, there is a comet inside Cell's womb..."

"I HAVE NO WOMB, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"Yeah, Cell's womb.." Zarbon continued. "Anyway, is there any way to stop it?"

"KAKAROTTO!"

"Oh my god! That's just crazy enough to work. Thank you professor Brolly!"

"KAKAROTTO!"

-

"Hello, Vegeta. Long time no see!" Raditz walked up to the prince.

"Raditz. I have something I need to share with you."

"What is that?"

"That truth is..." Vegeta sniffed. "The comet is my baby!.. Wait, WHAT?"

"Oh god.." Raditz backed away, ready to throw up.

"Me.. and Cell.. having a _comet_ love-child?" Vegeta sat there nearly having a brain hemorrhage

"We needed a love-story" Frieza yelled.

"Oh yeah! Well this movie needs some explosions as well" Vegeta screamed as he turned Super Saiyan and fired a Big Bang Attack at the camera.

-

"I say, fellows" King Cold spoke to his group of friends at the gentleman's club. "It seems we are all buggered."

"I say"

"I agree, old chap"

"Quite." King Cold swirled his wine-glass. "Now what are those ruffians up to?"

-

"Okay.. it took us _five months_.." Zarbon sighed. "But we have finally built a ten mile wide "KAKAROTTO!" in the desert, only using green pebbles"

"And that's meant to stop the comet?" Ginyu asked.

"That's what Professor Brolly says, and he's a genius" Zarbon pointed to Brolly, who at this point was knawing on the rocks. "God damn it"

"We're screwed"

"Well, Cell was anyway.." Raditz burst out laughing.

"Oh shut up!" Vegeta and Cell screamed in unison.

-

"Okay, so the pebble plan didn't work. Anyone else have any ideas?" Zarbon asked, before a group of pirates burst through the window and decided to do a merry jig on the table.

"Uh.. Anyway, I have a uh.. line?" Dodoria whispered to Vegeta. "Oh right. I have a _wang_! ...Wait... VEGETA"

"Okay, anyone have any decent ideas?" Zarbon asked before being whacked in the head as Cooler's arm went flying across the set.

"Damn you take-maker! Damn you to hell"

"DOES ANYBODY HAVE AN IDEA?" Zarbon screamed as the room went quiet. Well, except for the pirates. They were still dancing.

"I have an idea" Turles called out.

"What is it?"

"I say we kill Cell. Thus the comet can't be born."

"But none of us are strong enough to kill Cell."

"I AM" The door burst open as Janemba walked in dramatically.

"It's Janemba" Raditz called out. "The badarse aussie crocodile wrestler with only one eye"

"That's right" Janemba laughed. "Now where's this Cell follow, so I can gut him?"

"Over there." Zarbon pointed to Cell, who was busy prodding his stomach."

"Wait.." Janemba scratched his head. "How can that be Cell if he escaped before we filmed this?"

"It's a robo-Cell." Frieza shouted.

-

"Awright" Janemba said as he stood over Cell. Who at this point was strapped into a hospital bed. "I am now going to gut him"

"Wait. Stop!" Vegeta stood in front of Janemba, before pulling out his script. "I LOVE HIM!" Raditz and Nappa stood silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. It took Vegeta a moment to realize what he had just said. He stood there silently as a trail of blood slowly leaked out his ear. And with that, Vegeta's eye twitched a moment before he slammed into the ground.

"Vegeta?" Nappa stood up and asked the prince if he was okay.

"I think his brain finally exploded." Zarbon commented.

"Cooler! Get Vegeta off the set" Frieza screamed.

"I can't! I don't have any limbs left"

"Oh don't be such a wuss"

"I. Have. No. Limbs. You. Twit"

"Anyway! It's time for me to cut him" Janemba smiled and sliced the creature's gut open. In which the comet quickly flew out and started laughing.

"You fools! It was a trap!" The comet laughed. "And now, I will destroy mankind"

"There must be something we can do. Mr. President?" Raditz shaked Zarbon.

"No, sorry. This is the end of Earth."

"OH SNAP!"

-

"Well gents" King Cold continued to swirl his wine-glass. "This is the end"

"Indeed"

"Quite"

-

"Nothing can stop me now!" The comet laughed. Until out of the shadows. A Manticore surprised and killed the comet!

"Well that was certainly unexpected." Zarbon sighed.

-

"Father" Kui ran up to Zarbon.

"What is it, Vice President?"

"I have something shocking to tell you"

"Yes? What is it"

"I have.. _AMNESIA_!

-**_THE END!_**-

"Well" Frieza stood up and bowed. " What did you think of it?"

"I'm confused." Jeice raised his hand. "What was the movie again?"

"It was about how it turns out that Zarbon is actually dreaming in a VR machine which simulates a drug trip while he was high. The resulting images caused him to see a man dreaming about a VR machine in his sleep. Which is the cause of every drug-trip we see today.. In VR"

"Uh-huh, you don't say."

"It's all very subtle. You wouldn't of seen it coming. I didn't even mention it in the script"

"Then how are we meant to find out?" Lord Slug asked.

"Using your brains. DUH!" Frieza slapped his forehead. "Idiot"

"So is that the end?"

"Yes. _That is the end of my fantastic story_"


	9. It got to him

Disclaimer: The rights to DBZ have been kidnapped by Akira Toriyama, are you a bad enough dude to rescue the rights?

-Cell: Master of Insanity-

"Now, son!" Goku pointed at Gohan. "These are the giga-important items you will need!"

"I'm listening!"

"Four to five hundred bagels…"

"Okay, now I'm not." Gohan glared at his father and walked away.

"Wait! Come back! I'm Goku! I need food for comedic scenes, which show that I eat more than a normal person! It's hilarious!"

"No it's not. Bye."

"No… _my precious!_"

-

Down in Hell, people started quickly walking out of the cinema, discussing all sorts of random topics. Frieza sat on the floor in depression. He hadn't been this depressed since the time he found out that Zarbon was a man, baby!

"Why did they hate my movie?"

"It's probably because of Vegeta. He ruins everything." Dodoria answered.

"Explain!" Frieza raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Well, you remember that time Vegeta attacked Cell, only for it not to work and Gohan had to jump in the road. Costing his arm?"

"No. None of us were ther—"

"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT!"

"But—"

"I AM DODORIA! LOOK AT MY BELLY! IT'S THE BELLY…. _OF TRUTH_!"

"Um." Frieza looked at his henchman in horror. "I'm going to go change subject now. Cooler!"

"What?"

"Why the hell haven't you left?"

"I'm rusted. You son of a bitch… Wait. Damn it!" Cooler cursed at himself.

"Well un-rust yourself!" Frieza poked his brother in the head.

"I can't, I'll need four to five hundred bagels to do that!"

"Goku should have been back with them by now!" Frieze mumbled. "Oh well, me and Dodoria will have to get them ourselves!"

-

"Hey Videl!" Gohan walked up to the wench.

"What is it Gohan? Or should I say… GREAT SOY-MAN!"

"Soy-man?"

"Don't try to hide it!" Videl screamed "I HAVE CAMERAS, YOU KNOW!"

"I'm sure you do, crazy-lady." Gohan mumbled. "Anyway! Videl!"

"What is it Gohan? Or should I say… GREET SAIYA-JIN!"

"Is that all you can say?"

"What is it Goha—"

"Okay, I'm leaving now."

"No wait! I need answers! It's my role for this saga to get answers from you in comical ways!"

"Don't care. Leaving!"

"No…" Videl sunk to her knees and Goku came crawling up beside her. In unison they both muttered. "_Precious…._"

-

"Haha!" Vegeta laughed as he punched air. "I am training to become the strongest in the universe! Just you wait Sack! And you, Kakarot! I will defeat you all. For I will become powerful, SO POWERFUL I will become it will be just silly! Damn you Kakarot! For being better than me, but that will change. OH YES! THAT WILL CHANGE! I will show you the meaning of defeat. I am the horse and the line.. and.. something. I said it in GT and it was lame. Damn it… hair… gold… I will defeat you all. Damn it arm, stop twitching! No… defeat… KAKAROT… mumbeeds… sadasads… No! I will become the strongest ever. Like Frieza, only people got stronger than him, oh damn it… mufmdf… sadasd.. _STOP LOOKING AT MY HAIR_!"

_He's lost it._

_**I agree. Say? Wanna send another fighter down?**_

_Who?_

_**Him!**_

_Oh yes… Him!_

-

"What happened here, citizen?" Piccolo stood above a destroyed car as the passengers scrambled out."

"The driver…" A woman began "He slammed into that wall of text just before."

"Ah! Dangerous things those!" Piccolo scratched his chin.

"WHAT?"

"He said the wall of text was dangerous, Guru!" Nail screamed in the elder's ear.

"WHAT?"

"Oh for God's sake."

"I have no sake!" Dende pointed at Nail. "What are you accusing me of? Huh? Huh!"

"This group sucks." Nail sighed as he looked over to see Yamcha, Tenshinhan and Chouzu walking around and helping children across the street."

"Good job, Ten!" Yamcha congratulated his friend.

"Yes, capital work, old sport!" Chouzu added.

"Wish we didn't lose that stupid contest…" Nail sighed.

"I let people know when it's time to walk." Green-light man said with a disturbingly large grin on his face. "Geeheehee!"

-

"Okay. This is just getting annoying." Gohan spun around to see three quarters of the planet following him screaming _precious…_ "Now listen you freaky people! I have to save the Earth from Cell. I can't be bothered with you people!"

Precious… 

"Okay. That's it! I can only say one thing to you people!" Gohan snapped. "… ( '.') "

The crowd of disturbed people gasped in shock and ran away as quickly as they could.

"Well I didn't expect _that_." Gohan chuckled to himself, before someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"We are detectives #17 and #18. We heard a report of a class F-5 Vulgarity around here." The two figures said.

"Uh… I did that." Gohan looked at them oddly.

"Come with us, son." #17 lead the Saiyan to a police car. "We would like to have a word with you."

"_THE WORD IS 'PINEAPPLE_!'" #18 screamed out with a goofy grin.

"Don't do that." #17 replied stoically.

"Sorry."

-

"Okay, Dodoria. We are here." Frieza pointed towards a pub door. "Surely these horrible people will have an anti-rust chemical."

"But they could be mean" Dodoria sniffed.

"Don't worry. Act natural!" Frieza whispered as he walked into the bar. "Well, I say chaps! Would any of you have a spot of ant-rusting formula we could use on my mechanized sibling?"

"It's beer… or GET OUT!" Garlic Jr. snorted.

"You dare insult me, you philistine!" Frieza looked quizzically.

"BEER OR OUT! YOU BUM!"

"Oh, that does it!" Frieza closed in on Garlic's face. "I'M TELLING THE QUEEN!"

And with that he marched out.

-

"What do we do now?" Bulma screamed as the sack fell to the ground.

"I know. I'll attack it!" Trunks giggled and attacked the sack.

"Trunks! No!" Goten screamed, but it was too late. The sack has already devoured the poor child.

"Oh well." Bulma shrugged. "No loss. Oh crap! The sack is coming towards us!"

As the sack advanced, obviously ready to attack, a mysterious figure appeared and kicked it into the side of Capsule Corp. As the figure stood before the group. The sack spoke for the first time. "It's you!"


	10. Was he always like this?

Yes. I'm finally updating after months. 'What took so long' you say?

Oh. You didn't?

Well I'm telling you anyway! I was drawing up a Final Fantasy X comic and a Dragonball retell one, and that just took up all my time. That and I'm just a lazy, lazy bastard!

_Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama owns the rights to Chrono and all his frie--- What? Wrong thing? Damn it!  
Also. Hideo Kojima owns Metal Gear. And I own a packet of Pop-Tarts. They're years old, but I still love 'em!_

_----_Cell: Master of Insanity_----_

Gohan glanced through the window of the car. For some bizarre reason they were flying through space. Gohan didn't like space that much. He also didn't like carrots, he was mortified the day he found out about his father's Saiyan name. He also didn't like rambling, but he did it anyway. The rebellious stud! Anyway, the car approached a gigantic space station… in space!

"So Gohan, we meet again!" A voice echoed out as the car came to a halt and the Saiyan half-breed hopped out.

"Who's there?"

"You'd like to know, wouldn't you?"

"Well… yes, that's why I asked."

"Very well..." The voice chuckled and a figure walked out from the shadows behind Gohan. "It's me! Cell!"

"Cell?" Gohan looked at the android is confusion. "Why did you bring me here?"

"To kill you, why else?"

"Then what was the point of you creating a thousand versions of yourself to deliver a message about me needing to collect random items in order to see you if you just came and got me anyway?"

"…"

"…"

"SHUT UP!"

_----_

"Namekian Squad!" Piccolo slammed his fist into the table, making his comrades jump in surprise. "I have just received horrible news!"

"Frieza's creating another movie?" Dende asked

"Oh god no!" Piccolo shuddered. "But anyway, our home planet Yardrat is under attack!"

"Namek." Dende corrected

"What?"

"Our home planet is called 'Namek'."

"Right, what did I say?"

"Don't worry, continue."

"Okay!" Piccolo leapt onto the table and pulled all sorts of dramatic poses. "Our home planet, the Machine Planet M2 is under attack by a mysterious foe!"

"It is called Namek!"

"Hehehe…" Piccolo walked over and spoke to Dende in the way one would to a five-year-old. "M2, son. M is different to N, but you were so very close!"

"If I weren't a healer, I'd _kick your arse_."

"But you're not!" Piccolo pointed and taunted his friend. "Anyway! This mysterious foe is attacking our planet. We don't have any data on this creature, it could be a harmless little gopher, or it could be a six-mile tall Chimera calling itself 'Doctor Von Glugensteinsatan.' All we know is that our very planet is at stake. So what do you say? Let's go kick that monster off our home planet… VEGETA!"

"_NAMEK! YOU SON OF A BITCH!"_

_---- _

"You see Gohan..." Cell paced around the room "I am a villain. Villains do bad things, yes?"

"Yes."

"Very good! Now as a villain, I must do bad things, yes?"

"You already said that..."

"SILENCE! I AM PERFECT CELL! I CAN DESTROY THE SOLAR SYSTEM! IT WAS STATED!"

"By you!"

"How do you know that?"

"I was there when you said it."

"You're stalking me, aren't you?" Cell pointed at the teenager in fear. "I know how you get your evil kicks!"

"You're the evil one here!"

"Oh yeah." Cell regained his posture and continued pacing, while this was going on. A massive battle between Space Vikings and Space Ninjas was going on outside. Why?.. I dunno, I just thought it'd make a cool background, that's all. "Anycrap, I am about to destroy the world using my incredibly powerful Doom-Ray."

"Why would you use a doom-ray when you said you can destroy the entire Solar System?"

"YOU DOUBT MY POWER?"

"Yes."

"You still don't believe me? I will show you my psychokinetic power. Put your controller on the floor. Put it down as flat as you can... that's good. Now I will move your controller by the power of my will alone!"

"Controller?"

"What do you think now? Can you feel my power now? The demonstration is over!"

"What the _fuck_ are you babbling about?" Gohan yelled and started to power up a Kamehameha wave.

"NO GOHAN!" Goku screamed as he darted into the room. "You can't fire a Kamehameha wave from that height, you'll destroy the Earth if you do."

"Hey! I said that about you!" Cell pointed at the Saiyan.

"OH NO! IT'S FRIEZA! Quick, stand back! I'll use my Kamehameha!" Goku yelled and started up the attack himself.

"It's Cell, dad."

"Zell? But this isn't Balamb Garden! You almost had me Gohan.. or should I say… SEIFER?"

"Father. Stop pulling on my face."

"Sorry." Goku looked at the ground sheepishly. "I got confused."

"Trust me. No-one is as confused as I am." Gohan muttered, starting to feel like destroying the Earth himself.

_----_

"So Dodoria." Frieza walked up to his henchman with a backpack on him. "Are you ready for our incredible journey to tell the Queen on Garlic Jr."

"Sure. But why are we doing this?"

"Because young one. There needs to be justice in this world! We need a world where puppies can play in peace and a place where flying aliens won't descend from the sky and slaughter entire species just to try and get some magical artifacts that can grant him immortality."

"That was you, idiot!"

"Now, now. We could sit here all day and try to figure out who committed mass genocide on whom… But we have an epic quest to play out! Now take flight, trusty steed!"

"Fine.."

_----_

"It's you!" The sack spoke out to the figure. "What are you doing here?"

"I have come to destroy you!"

"Why would they have awoken you? You nearly destroyed the Universe last time you were awake."

"I do not know my master's plans. But I do know that I have to kill you!"

"Never!"

"And now, hateful sack of despair! Prepare to meet your doom at the hands of me… Kibito!"

"Yes, I know who you are. I can see you." The Sack muttered.

"Shut up! I was being dramatic!" Kibito stomped the ground and charged at the Sack, '_The ultimate decisive battle to save the Universe'_ was under way.


	11. Master of Insanity Part One

Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama was shot by federal agents when he went insane and killed seventy-three people, his weapon of choice was the Right to DBZ. He will be missed.

Cell: Master of Insanity-

Kibito and the Sack flew high above the streets of West City. Every time one got a hit on the other, it would send out a massive

wave of energy. It seemed that the entire planet was about to give way under their power.

"How can they keep it up?" Trunks asked in awe.

"Going by my calculations." Bulma poked away at her machine. "This fight will end in seventy episodes, where Frieza ends up dying and Namek explodes."

"A joke about how Dragonball Z fights last a while? You madam, are a genius! How do you come up with such things?"

"Trunks?" Bulma glared down at her son.

"Yes."

"Your father lost a fight once."

"You're lying! Father is the strongest there is! He would never lose a fight!" Trunks' eyes teared up and he ran off into what remained of the house.

"C'mon Kibito!" Bulma mentally cheered the man on. "If you can't do it. Only the next plot-device can!"

.-. 

"Father. Stop charging up the Kamehameha. _Right now!_" Gohan glared.

"I'm sorry Son. I just get jumpy, that's all."

"It's okay Fathe—"

"A computer! Stand back! I'll use my Kamehameha!"

"Oh for God's sake..."

"Is that the only attack you know, Goku?" Cell scoffed at the Saiyan.

"I know the Kaioken!"

"What's that?"

"It's an ability where I can power up as many times as I like."

"But if he goes too high he can---" Gohan tried to add, but his father butted in.

"Too high? Pah! Nothing is too high for the mighty SON GOKU!"

"Show me this ability."

"Alrighty, Perfect Cell. You shall see my awesome power!"

"Father." Gohan interrupted. "Don't go too high or you might.."

"Kaioken! Times _TWENTY BILLION!_" Goku screamed as power errupted around him for a few moments before a massive ear-piecing boom splintered through the entire space station.

"…Explode."

"What just happened here?" Cell asked in horror as he removed his fingers from his ears.

"My father just blew up."

The android chuckled to himself "I see. Well, he certainly put me in my place by _exploding_ and all."

.-.

"Alright Squad." Dende spoke up. "Since we are heading to _Namek_. Have we all remembered to bring our water?"

"**_WHAT?_**" Guru shouted out.

"Shut up, you old fart!" Nail glared.

"Anyway, did we bring the water?"

"I tell people when to walk." The green-light man raised his hand. "ROCK ON!"

"You're all idiots." Dende sighed and walked off to another part of the spaceship.

.-.

"By George I think I've got it!" Tenshinhan shouted in excitement. "Finally, my amazing device is ready!"

"What does it do?" Yamcha asked, looking at the coconut shaped object.

"It's a device that can cause the entire Universe to collapse!"

"That doesn't sound like something to be proud of."

"What's wrong, Yamcha." Tenshinhan's voice suddenly turned into a whisper. "You know we aren't popular here."

"Yes. So?"

"So. I am going to destroy the world! Since we apparently aren't good enough for it."

"B-But I have baseball games to play! ''Sasaki! Wonder-Man!' they called me."

"That's not your name." Tenshinhan pointed out.

"I know, they found out about that and had me kicked from the team. But I'm okay now. I'm sleeping under the couch on 5th Avenue!"

"Okay. I'm taking my device to Mt. Doom and am going to destroy the Universe." Tenshinhan said and slowly flew off.

"You forgot your device…" Yamcha said.

"No. I'm getting my swallow to pick it up."

"What kind of swallow?"

"Shut up!"

.-.

Goku slowly open his eyes. A dark void surrounded him. The Saiyan tried flying off in every direction, but all he ever saw was darkness. "Hellooooo. Anyone here?"

"That voice? Kakarot?"

"Vegeta?" Goku spun around to see the Saiyan floating nearby. "What are you doing here?"

"Funny story, really. I was trying to defend the Earth from Bill Murray and his legions of Ghost Robots when all of a sudden I found myself on the world of the moon-pies. Needless to say I exploded from not using the Kaioken. Nope! And then everyone got naked and started dancing!"

"… What the hell?"

"Yes I know. Woo! Crazy."

"Kakarot." Vegeta started to back away. "I do not know why I consider you my rival."

_**Who is this creature?**_

"Hi. I'm Son Goku!"

_**What are you doing here?**_

"Funny story, really…"

"SHUT UP, KAKAROT!" Vegeta screamed.

"Vegeta! Don't worry. I'll stop him with my Kamehameha!"

_**Goku. We have someone here who would like to meet you.**_

"Superman? I've been meaning to get into a fight with him. I've always wondered who would win!"

_**No. Not Superman. Bardock!**_

"Bardock?" Goku scratched his head as the Saiyan appeared before him. "Who's Bardock."

_**Do you know anything about your father?**_

"I know he died a long time ago. But I'll never see him again!"

"No Goku." Bardock shook his head. "_I _am your father."

"No, that's not true! That's impossible!"

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true!"

"That's it!" Vegeta spun around and flipped his arm into the air. "I'm out of here."

.-.

The battle raged on between the Sack and Kibito. Three quarters of the entire planet had already been ravaged by their awesome power, neither side even showing the slightest hint of fatigue. The only sign of life left on the planet was the spaceship that carried Tenshinhan and Yamcha away from the planet and towards Mt. Doom! But that's another story-arch.

"Give it up, Kibito!" The sack spoke as it charged up an instant Spirit Bomb. "You will fail!"

"Never! I am on the side of puppies and vomit!"

"You nearly _destroyed_ the Universe last time you were awake."

"I was drunk! Anyone would make that mistake! I was young and reckless!"

"Hahaha. You really do not know what's I have planned do you?" The Sack laughed evilly. Being evil and all. Yeah.

"A transformation."

"How did you know?"

"You're a Dragonball villain, you _have _to transform at some stage."

.-.

"So Gohan. If you can so be called that." Cell started up.

"Yes I can be called that. Seeing as that is my name."

"SILENCE! Once I fire this machine, your entire planet will be destroyed!"

"Um. You might want to look behind you then."

"What?" Cell spun around and saw nothing but a small chunk of rock behind him. "Someone beat me to it! Oh God damn it! Now what am I supposed to do? That was _my_ planet to destroy." The android started to cry. "It's not fair! I never get to wipe out planets. Frieza did! And I'm stronger than he could ever be."

"There, there." Gohan patted Cell on the shoulder. "Tell you what. You can destroy Mars. Would you like that?"

"Don't patronize me!" Cell glared. "I am Perfect Cell! I CAN DESTROY THE SOLAR SYSTEM!"

"What is it with you and the Solar System?"

.-.

Kibito floated among the ruins of Earth as the dust around the Sack started to vanish. His transformation was powerful enough to cause the entire planet to explode. Kibito could sense that his foe's power had increased by at least twenty times. Yes. His opponent had transcended into… _A PLASTIC BAG!_

"Kibito! You fool! Now I am at full power and there is nothing you can do to stop me!"

"Is that so?" Kibito grinned as trillions of Ninjas appeared behind him. They were the Space Ninjas from before. See? Continuity. And you thought I couldn't do it. Well I should you! I SHOWED YOU ALL!

"You think you're the only one with an awesome army?" The Plastic Bag ruffled for a few moments. Signaling the appearance of trillions of Space Vikings. "Now we shall see who has the superior army of awesome!"

"Yes. Yes we will." Kibito chucked as all the Space Ninjas activated their Lightsabers. While the Space Vikings took out their Viking Warhammers. For a few minutes, an eerie silence fell upon the entire Universe. As if everyone knew that their lives could come to an end at any moment. Except the people of Vega 3X. Who knew their lives were coming to and end as they were being sucked into a Black Hole! But no one cares about them. So let's go back to being dramatic, shall we?

No?

_**FINE THEN!**_


	12. Master of Insanity Part Two

Disclaimer: _Akira Toriyama owns the rights to DBZ._

HA! You were expecting something different weren't you?

What? You weren't?

Positive?

Oh, okay then. I'll leave.

….

I was kidding, get back here!

**.-Cell: Master of Insanity-.**

Vegeta continued to block his ears as Goku rambled about his funny story. Well, it was originally a rather amusing story, let me tell you! But after a few seconds the Saiyan got bored and just started rambling, he was currently going on about how he saved the world from a gigantic robotic Bulma who's purpose was to steal Christmas and give it to the Namekians. Yeah, he was stupid like that.

_**For the love of God, why doesn't he stop?**_

"The madness! The madness!" Bardock started twitching as he sucked his thumb.

_**How are we meant to help save the Universe if all he does is ramble?**_

"The Universe needs saving?" Goku suddenly stopped his story, much to the relief of everyone nearby. "I'll do it! I love saving the Universe! Remember when I saved it from that crazy Legendary Super Saiyan? What was his name?.. Nappa?"

"Brolly. And you didn't kill him, Gohan did." Vegeta pointed out.

"I helped!"

"No you didn't, you were just an image used to stress the fact that Gohan still cares and respects you after all those years."

"… I don't exist?"

"I never said that."

"Oh yes you did!"

"When did I say that?" Vegeta asked.

"Oh, it was way back when we were fighting Raditz, I remember it perfectly."

.-.

"I say, old bean!" Goku exclaimed while adjusting his monocle. "This uncivilized Saiyan is quite the rough costumer!"

Vegeta took a quick puff on his gentleman pipe and twirled his cane around. "Indeed."

"GRAH! _I AM RADITZ_! LOOK AT MY CRAZY HAIR! ISN'T IT JUST _WACKY_?"

"What a philistine!" Goku scoffed. "He certainly won't be getting into this social club, what do you think of this development Vegeta?"

"I say it's downright disgraceful, old spice! We should have the guards escort him out of the premises forthwith!"

"I agree wholeheartedly!" Goku pointed into the air for no reason.

"Also, Kakarot?"

"Yes."

"**_YOU DON'T EXIST! HA!_**"

.-.

"Then for some reason everyone got naked and started Morris Dancing."

"Kakarot. That never actually happened, did it?"

"…No."

_**Uh.. The Universe still needs saving you know. Kibito is too busy fighting the plastic bag.**_

"Oh, what could happen?" Goku laughed.

.-.

Elsewhere, on the planet Sitysuna-3, inside an innocent café. Trevor, the loveable sausage creature dropped a bagel, he loved those things. Anyway, his bagel dropped and wouldn't you know it, the entire solar system just exploded, killing billions of people.

But that has nothing to do with our story, moving on.

.-.

"Ha! Foolish Kibito!" The Plastic Bag laughed his evil, non-mouth laugh. "I am the master of the entire Universe!"

"Only a master of _evil_, Darth!"

"Darth?"

"I have no idea myself. Just felt like saying it, you know."

"No. I don't."

"Oh. Well never mind then!"

Kibito and the Plastic Bag flew at each other once again, their energy destroying many planets. Now fans everywhere rushed to internet forums and asked if Kibito could beat Superman or Neo.

… Well they would of if the Earth wasn't already destroyed. _Oops_.

.-.

"There it is! New Namek!" Piccolo pointed dramatically.

"Yes, I know." Nail sighed. "I've been there before."

"Oh, have you?" The Namek glared. "So you've been there before, and now there just so _happens_ to be a crisis now. How very odd, wouldn't you say so Dende?"

"No, Nail went there years before this, plus you've been there before, so that would be like saying that you did it."

"Trying to put the blame on someone else, eh?" Piccolo put on his detective cap. "Not a smart move Dende, or should I say... _META-COOLER?_"

"How could I be Meta-Cooler? I'm organic."

"Sounds like Old Man Cooler is trying to disguise himself again!"

"Again? Cooler disguised himself a first time?" Nail asked.

"Indeed! It just so happens… THAT I AM META-COOLER!" Piccolo shouted. "I will now prove it by ripping my own head off! … _AGRH_!"

"Well, that was disgusting." Nail shuddered. "Guru, clean this up, will you?"

"WHAT?"

"…I hate you."

.-.

"Tenshinhan! Don't do it. There has to be another way!" Yamcha screamed at his three-eyed friend as he laughed maniacally from the top of Mt. Doom, which is on Vega-3. Not many people know that. Tell your friends! They'll be amazed and give you money!

"This is _my_ time to shine!" Ten cackled. "Now I will… DESTROY EVERYTHING!"

"That was a horrible line, you know."

"Yeah… Okay, here's a better one… THE THREE-EYED COWBOY IS GOING FOR ONE LAST RIDE!"

"…Okay, I was against this at first." Yamcha started thinking after hearing those two lines. "But go ahead Ten, destroy the Universe."

"Don't mind if I do!"

.-.

"Now Gohan, it has been fun." Cell chuckled. "But I'm afraid I have to destroy the entire Universe now."

"Okay, knock yourself out."

"… Uh... Okay?" Cell looked at the Saiyan oddly before grabbing a table and smashing it against his head, rendering himself unconscious. Unfortunately his body fell on the Doom-ray start up button.

"Well…" Gohan clicked his fingers. "_Shit._"

.-.

"You know why you are going to lose Kibito?" The Plastic Bag asked. "It's because I have the ability to destroy the entire Universe right now!"

"You lie!"

"Oh no. In fact, I'm going to do it right… _now_."

At this moment, Tenshinhan and Cell's Universe destroying rays fired at the same time as the Plastic Bags. Also, a group of school children on the planet Cuddlebutt-XS were just about to enjoy a wonderful day at the dream factory, the place where all your dreams come true! And on the other side of the Cosmos, the people of Spira were finally enjoying peace after both Sin and Vegnagun were destroyed. True bliss.

…Well, you know. Before the Universe kinda ceased to exist.

.-.

_**Oh boy. That isn't good!**_

"What happened?" Goku looked around the place trying to find the voice. "Did something bad happen?"

**_… You could say that._**

"Want me the blast my shirt off? It gives me a +100 STR increase, you know. Hey! Vegeta!"

"What?"

"Rip my shirt off!"

"…"

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Kakarot. It seems like my brain just exploded."

"Oh. You okay?"

"I no longer have that horrid mental image in my head, if that's what you mean."

_**Since the Universe was destroyed, it seems that all the creatures are entering this realm.**_

"Wha-?" Piccolo looked around oddly as his spaceship popped into view. "What the hell are we doing here? Also... why do I lack a body? DENDE!"

"What is it?"

"Did you sell my body off for money? Because if you did…"

"Well this is certainly unexpected." Cell muttered to himself as he and Gohan appeared.

"PERFECT CELL?" Goku yelled. "Don't worry! I'll use my Kamehameha!"

"Ha! I'll just use my Doom-ray on you!"

"What am I doing back here?" The Plastic Bag looked around.

_**There he is! Kibito, trap him in the containment field!**_

Kibito nodded and dashed to the Plastic Bag and threw him into the field.

"No! I'll get you next time! You and Vegeta!" The Plastic Bag screamed before vanishing.

"There was a containment field there?" Goku scratched his head.

**_Yes, we have several of them. I believe Trunks is stuck arse first in one now._**

"This is incredibly uncomfortable!"

"Well that's just swell. But how do we defeat Perfect Cell?" Goku asked.

"I can do it, you know." Gohan pointed out.

"Vegeta! Fuse with me!"

"Okay! My brain is gone so I have no reason to dislike you now!" Vegeta smiled and pranced over to the other Saiyan.

"Vegeta had a brain?" Piccolo asked. "Why wasn't I informed, huh. _WHY_?"

"Hey, don't look at me!" Cell tried to swat the floating Piccolo head away from him.

"_FU-SION-HA_!" A massive ball of light appeared where Goku and Vegeta were standing... Well, I wouldn't call it light, seeing as this realm is nothing but darkness. But it was certainly cool looking. But this a text-based form of entertainment so you can't see it. Shame really, because it was awesome!

"I am neither Goku nor Vegeta…"

"Actually, you're both. Seeing as you fused together." Nail pointed out.

"Well _thank you._ Ruin my moment why don't you!" Gogeta glared. "And as for you Perfect Cell."

"Yes?"

"DIE!"

"But I don't wanna."

"Well too bad, you have to."

"That's mean!" Cell screamed back at the fused warrior before being obliterated by a point blank Kamehameha wave.

"Haha! Gogeta for the win!"

"I could have done that." Gohan sniffed. "He was after me. Why didn't I get to do it!"

_**Uh.. We still have the problem of the Universe being destroyed.**_

"Don't worry about that. I'll fix it!" Dende gloated and started dancing.

"He can do that?" Goku asked the Piccolo head.

"What, you didn't know that? And you call yourself a Namekian?"

"Actually I'm a Sa—"

"**NAMEKIAN!**"

"Fine. Fine."

"Okay. Done!" Dende smiled.

_**That was over rather quickly.**_

"What are you implying?"

**_Nothing in the least.. _**

"Okay. Good!" Dende clapped his hands together. "Now back to our Universe!"

"Goodbye disembodied voices!" Goku cried out. "I will miss you! Be sure to write some time. Vegeta? Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

"No!"

"Aw, c'mon!"

"Fine… Goodby—_FINAL FLASH_!"

_**Uh, Vegeta. We don't have a body for that Ki blast to actually hit.**_

"Oh, right. Damn it!" Vegeta cursed before vanishing.

.-.

The following few weeks were rather peaceful in the Universe. A reptilian race conquered a few planets and a Supernova destroyed several nearby Solar Systems. But other then that it was nice and quiet.

Piccolo and the Namekian Squad were still heading towards New Namek. Oh yeah, Piccolo ended up getting his body back, he found Nail trying to flush them down the toilet. What a card!

The Son family was doing quite well, until Goku found a gerbil with a rather unnatural amount of Ki in it. So he decided to fly off and train the squirrel for several years, leaving his loving family behind… Unfortunately the Squirrel died a few weeks later by a sub-orbital Kamehameha blast. Goku never was the best in training others. Weeks after that, Kaioshin realized that Goku was meant to be dead still so he took him back to the otherworld.

Vegeta and Bulma were living rather peacefully. But there was that one time that Vegeta went insane and turned the entire house into a chamber with the gravity of a super-massive star, all Capsule Corp staff were instantly killed. They will be missed.

Tenshinhan went off to become a hermit yet again with Chouzu, but they are humans so the DBZ plot doesn't care about them. Moving on.

Kibito ended up trying to start a New Jedi Order. His only students were an apple, and a some sort of space-llama. The llama went on to have a love affair with one Shmi Skywalker, their son obviously grew up to become an incredibly sane individual who would save the Universe many times!

.-.

"How much longer is that going to take Frieza?" Dodoria sighed as they continued to walk along a brick road.

"Oh, we still have _weeks_ of walking ahead of us before we reach the Queen's Palace."

"Oh _God damn it_..."

_**-THE END-**_

_Well, that's it for this fic! Thanks to everyone who replied and the people who emailed me constantly to see when I would update. I hope you enjoyed it!_

Okay, fine. There's still a continuation fic I have to write. Ruin the suspense why don't you!

_See you then!_


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